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the eve of the END [November 29, 2009 | 12:38 PM] oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah!!!! the days leading up to tomorrow have been great, fun and almost, worry-free but I (and every else) must not lose focus, just a few more hours, and my life will be in my own hands. i really enjoyed my mid-exam break. I didn't waste time. I completed one of several videos I'm gonna be making: i spent my friday giving back to the community by volunteering at ACRES WRC with leo, cherm and grace. WE GREW OXYGEN! we planted trees! my first experience ever planting a tree and I'm so proud to have done that. i believe that the 4 of us were fast and efficient, in fact the best, planters there. HAHA. self-praise, who cares? we deserve 10 million billion trillion pats on our backs after enduring life thus far. we planted 8 trees! plus 1 huge one. Digging is so fun, albeit tiring, it was satisfying. and what's more, we got our asses to CHUACHUKANG (like THE WEST OF SINGAPORE? WHO LIVES THERE?!) at 9 am, i emphasize, in the MORNING! most applause should go to Leo, we know how much this served as a challenge to him.. although he was late.. it was still a top 10? achievement. ahahaha. kidding kidding. not. how time flies, just 4 years ago we were active in YTSA, just 2 or 3 years ago, we first helped out at ACRES. how do you measure your life? in how much you give back, would be nice :) projects projects projects after TOMORROW. I.CAN'T.WAIT!

digging up the past [November 23, 2009 | 01:10 PM] although alicia keys sings that the past is called the past because it's the past.... i'll dig up this certain "past" every year.. christmas playlist! hilary duff's santa clause lane album, somehow, will always have a special place in my heart. i can never forget how obsessed i was with Sleigh Ride. I had in my phone, i played it 20 times a day.... i'm thinking about lit again.. i shudder.. wait till 11am this coming wednesday,... chic: "freak out! le freak! so chic!" AHH SLEIGH RIDE IS PLAYING NOW! what is it with christmas songs that always, bring cheer?? music students...? what is the special note or chord or whatever that makes a christmas song a christmas song????

MY CHILDHOOD! [November 20, 2009 | 05:45 PM] DOES ANYONE REMEMBER THIS MOVIE?! i just watched it and i'm overwhelmed with nostalgia! and i've gain so much more new perspective and insights to the movie. there's actually some satire about new york city people and some jokes that i wouldnt have figured out as a kid yet i remember loving the movie so much, and guess what, i cried again. and guess what! it's produced by steven spielberg! omg!

thoughts after living on earth for 18 years... [November 19, 2009 | 12:49 AM] 1) right now i feel as though i'm one those adults who look as if they were born adults - i can't believe i was once so small and now so big 2) every other 18 year old in a jc will go apeshit come december 4th or earlier. - you know what? someone should do a documentary, video the intense atmosphere after the last paper of physics or bio or computing. it's a single feeling that almost everyone will share. we will be united in spirit regardless of school. zoom in on everybody's faces, zoom in to the grins and smiles or many frowns but ultimately, i can just imagine it... the mood once that guy says, "candidates pens down" holy mother f.... ironically, we become "ONE" through suffering from the government 3) 9 months of idleness, personal and free time.... just blow my mind 4) its so surreal, we are being born again! REBIRTH! REGENERATION OF THE CAREFREE SPIRIT! FREEDOM! - i feel communist haha. yet i understand that although everyone would feel intimidated, some would welcome this with open arms and some might secretly dread the end. I read about something like that in the Freedom Manifesto. the author talks of freedom from authority yet there's a story he shared where when given freedom out of jail, these prisoners refused to leave, they feel safe under authority after being so accustomed to it. there's a meaning behind the ending but i can't remember. but now come to think of it, maybe this is one of the governments plans to keep us chained to them. it's like we are animals in captivity and now we cant go back to the wild. - which reminds, WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE. I WANNA WATCH. 5) LET'S ALL VOTE FOR THE WORKERS PARTY WHILE WE ARE STILL CARELESS AND IRRESPONSIBLE DURING THIS 9 MONTHS. 6) i just can't believe i'm alive. i feel like i was chosen and i've been given an opportunity to live. why me? if i'm not here on earth then where will i be? my precious brain which generates the thoughts i have now.. where will you go? 7) i'm made in singapore

john mayer player [November 14, 2009 | 07:26 AM] is it true? is he really a player at heart? or have his actions unfortunately gave him that nickname? he writes such beautiful lyrics and his voice is so calming, so soothing it simply puts my heart to ease - i put down my pen, i stop thinking, only able to focus on the song, the music and the lyrics. oh, john mayer has a new album called Battle Studies which i swear here i will buy once it officially comes out..i mean how can i turn away from a chance to hear john mayer's brilliance in advance? hahahaha, FCUK ITS GOOD. vera aren't you happy? O! the As! i mean A levels.. which is nothing about giving level As to all. why you stupid bell curve, yet "nevermind got bell curve" is often heard after each paper. i have nothing substantial to say about the exams so far. occasionally i'll think about the future after As and i'll get excited and be consumed with eagerness but my mind would immediately bring me back to reality. this constant rationalising is tiring. but i've mostly stop thinking all together, just doing what i gotta do. in a way it's like playing a softball game, not about the outcome but on the process, the difference is, this lasts continuously for months, while a game is a mere 2 hours. i guess it's acceptance. i've accepted that this is my life right now, and this is not a dream. it's times like this that it is hard not to think about life and be all philosophical, (why do we go through this? why must society demand that we go through this and do well?) hmmm... if most humans were stupid to the extent we are still living primitively, there wouldnt be a problem like global warming for me to solve and work so hard for right now. it's like a mindfcuking cycle... woooooooo~ the real headache here is LITERATURE. this subject is just as elusive as GP (initially) and i'll say it here, i'm not getting an A for it because i've given up on it and pulled myself out of the hole i created (i've shed tears for the subject) and returned to it and barely pull myself out of it time again and again and now i'm looking at the glass half empty instead of, empty. why do i feel so stressed about lit yet i can't fully hate it? firstly, i think lit has giving me the most general knowledge instead of the general paper. lit teachers > gp teachers < chem,phy but maybe = chinese only because i don't understand the language half the time. sorry mr ho gy but although i dont hate gp lessons and occasionally enjoy it because its a non-mechanical subject and it's like class discussion, if i'm asked what have i gained from gp lessons, i can list..... none (but maybe i can come up with something if i try) if i was asked what literature has taught me... i can spit out: life, love, the human nature, history, society, and its flaws, language.. but it's that elusive grade of.. ok, C can? C or B? or anything but Es and Ds that i can't get... WHO BUILT THIS INVISIBLE GLASS ABOVE MY HEAD? i can't see it but i know i'm bounded by it. gosh, i'm just a fish in a D/E tank. this is stupid but it just popped into my head after the last line: pixar's new animated film, Finding A. doesnt matter if you dont it or i dont get it a few days later. just i know i'm trying not to smile at my computer screen in starbucks. so i smile here :)

exam holiday [September 21, 2009 | 05:44 PM] funny, the time when my heart settles down occurs most during the exam period, especially --- [lolll, i just heard haley from paramore sing in the background, "the next time you point your finger i might have to bend it back or break it, break it off" omg, brand new eyes is so fcuking awesome! nothing short of it! at least they keep it real unlike boys like girls... changing their sound.. not for the better but to sound like any other!] ... espcially... shit i forgot what i wanted to say. it's unnerving that i feel like i'm underwater, in a dream, not a dream my heart makes of course but this feeling of settling into the routine of constant studying and preparing for exams. i know the future will come eventually, exams will end, a levels will end and we will all move on. i think it's the fact that my life is really about to begin, really. okay.. wait, is this about death again? . . . . after 4 periods, i think Death is the umbrella of everything and this time, once i step out of this prisoner life... i mean my journey is towards death and not towards the beginning of my life. sigh.. there's always good and evil in the world right... but it'll all be good if death was a good thing. perhaps, death is like travelling, and i since i always look forward to unchartered territories.. wait death is so freaking chartered.. damn. but... exam stress much? but i just said i feel relaxed during exam period... so relaxed, that i become stressed. unless death isnt a stressful topic. the other day, i watched blackie watch me eat and i knew she knew i was eating becaus my mouth was moving. then i wondered how she knew that the mouth was where food went. and how did she know that i was doing this activity, "eating", how does she know that i eat, and she eats too. how did she even know how to use her mouth to eat? i know because when i was young mummy taught me. but no one taught blackie. and if no one taught me to open my mouth, put food in and chew, would i know thats where food goes? i might be stuffing food up my nose and breathing through my mouth..... LOL i know if people arent taught to walk they really can't, which is kinda amazing and weird cause it's so basic and simple. k, i'm out. "I GOT A FEELING THAT TONIGHT'S GONNA BE A GOOD NIGHT!... LET'S TURN IT UP!" by the way, tis' the season to be OVERWHELMED WITH AWESOME NEW SHOWS AND SEASONS! um, ashlee simpson is in the new show MELROSE PLACE? i didn't know she was so skinny, i couldnt even recognise her even though i knew she was acting in it.. throughout the show i was like.. where's ashlee simpson who is supposed to be one of the main characters...???? oh that anorexic looking girl in the show?! damnnn! ["here we come here we go gogogogogogogogo"]  and how apt! just when i was actually considering going into community college for 2 years... theres a new sitcome about community college. reminds me very much of The Class and i know it's gonna be a great show already. and of course, FUCK YEAH! GLEEEEEEE! OMG I ONLY WISH THE GLEEKS WOULD COME TO SINGAPORE! they are touring in australia now and singapore.. australia... quite near, yet quite far. but i don't know how big the gleek population here is so... it would be bad if there's not enough fan support. i have to watch every episode twice! it's MINDBLOWING SHIZZZ! [kesha has such a hedonistic party girl voice.. good for a ringtone. hahaha] k, i'm out, for realz

the magic of a lit exam [September 16, 2009 | 01:11 PM] before the exam, you think: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG ARGHHH I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! I'M NOT PREPARED! I GOT NO QUOTES, I HAVENT STUDIED THE TEXT! WTF AM I GOING TO WRITE!? after the exam, you submit 3 essays the next lit exam, before the exam you think: HOLY SHIT!!! I'M GONNA WRITE 3 ESSAYS IN 3 HOURS? HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO PULL THAT OFF? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO THE HELL IS OWEN! after the exam, you submit 3 essays the 3rd lit exam, before the exam, you think: my wrist is going to FREAKING DROP OFF! OMG! 3 HOURS OF AGONY AND BRAIN DRAINING... MY POOR BRAIN.. I CAN ALREADY IMAGINE MYSELF THINKING HARD AND WRECKING IT! Ouch... THINKING ABOUT THAT ALREADY MADE MY HEAD HURT... AHHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! :S after the exam, you submit 3 essays you wonder what goes on during the exam... it's magic.

:'DDDDD [September 10, 2009 | 02:00 PM] i just watched the 2nd episode of FUCKING AWESOME GLEE!!!! OMFG. so AWESOMMMMEE. I CANT EVER STOP SINGING IT'S PRAISES! almost, dare i say, orgasmic! audial and visual orgasm. :D gold digger was featured. I WAS SO HAPPY AND EXCITED BY IT'S SHEER MAGNIFICENCE! so i got out my old hard drive and now i'm going through my old itunes collection. the old songs!!! ohhh i remember this and this and that and wow... memories.. ninedays, wheatus, lfo... then i heard shake ft pitball by ying yang twins and i swear it sounded so familiar i think i actually used it in a video i made before but i just can't remember!! it's not in youtube... isit? so i went to check.. i thought i used it in the pcd vid ft kuan yee and i. LOL ROFL. AHAHAHAHAHA SHITTTTTTT good times good times... lol omg, truly, retarded. then i watched our chinese project video. LOL. hee..hee...hehe...heeehahaAHahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. gonna watch JUMP tmr with mummy!

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